In case you haven’t noticed, I’m taking a blog break. I have a lot on my plate right now (who doesn’t, I know) and the blog has taken a backseat to my husband, children, house and business.

We’ve started remodeling the family room and we’re moving on to the kitchen when this project is done.

I am still reading and commenting on the blogs in my reader, just not finding time or making time to post on my own.

Probably temporary, and once summer is over more free time to post will magically appear. Right?

For now I will check in when I get a chance. I’d like to say I’ll post twice a week or once a week or whatever, but then I’d feel bad if I didn’t.

My first day back with my beloved kettlebells was yesterday.  Woot!  But perhaps 400 swings was a bit much for the first day.  My glutes and hamstrings are burned and standing and sitting are not easy.  But I enjoy the soreness.  I feel like I’m not working hard enough if I don’t have at least a *little* DOMS after a workout.  Not so much that I can’t walk, but you know what I mean.  I want to feel like I did something.

I haven’t blogged for a couple of weeks.  I have to be honest, I feel bad when I don’t get to work out.  Physically, emotionally, mentally, it sucks.  At the beginning I was still doing weighted lower body work.  Squats, deadlifts, and my favorite Bulgarian split squats.  But in reality that was cheating.  I was supposed to be resting my shoulder completely and…I wasn’t.  Not for the first two weeks anyway.

When (surprise, surprise) my shoulder wasn’t any better two weeks into my home PT, I gave myself a talking to and agreed that I was being stubborn and stupid by not following the recommendations of the therapist.  I am definitely stubborn and don’t like to be told what to do.  Just ask my husband.  But I had to get real and do the best thing for my shoulder long term, so I stopped all weighted and weight-bearing work.  No kettlebells, no weights, no yoga, nothing.

Well, not “nothing” nothing.  I didn’t sit around like a lump.  I walked for around an hour a day with Brent, which I love doing.  But I don’t feel right unless I’m moving something heavy at least a few times a week. 

It was a very long 2 weeks.

But it’s over and my shoulder is much better.  The pain is probably 75% improved, although my range of motion is still crap.  I need to continue my pendulum exercises and my other range of motion exercises, and I will.

I watched Geneen Roth on Oprah today.  She always hits home with me, and I feel for the women in the audience who are struggling with food and disordered eating.  My hope for everyone of them is to figure it out and come through it eventually.  It’s a lot of work, but it’s also indescribably amazing to be free from all of that.

…is doing me in.  I realize that I am the most impatient person alive, but come on.  It’s been a month and I still have pain and limited range of motion.  Is it better?  Yes.  Is it back to normal?  Not even close.  I still can’t do any exercises that involve my shoulder in any way, and it’s really starting to piss me off.

I feel like I live on ibuprofen and with bags of ice permanently attached.

On the bright side, I’m healthy otherwise.  I can still workout my lower half and walk and run and all of that.  I shouldn’t be whining about my shoulder. 

I want to swing and snatch and press and all of that fun stuff I love.  I want to be able to dry my hair and reach stuff on high shelves without my shoulder yelling at me.

So I will keep at the icing and the PT and the ibuprofen, even though I am sick to death of all of it.

If this is happening in order to teach me some patience, it’s failing.  But it has made me appreciate my abilities more.  It has given me more sympathy for people dealing with injuries and chronic pain and physical therapy.  So there is value in it. 

But I still want my old shoulder back.   


That was the TV screen last night.  Yikes.  It’s been a volatile summer weather-wise already, and it’s just gearing up.  We live in the Midwest, so we’re used to storms and tornado sirens, especially in the warmer months.  Usually I take it in stride, but when the Doppler images look like this I get nervous.

We don’t have a basement or anywhere underground to go, so when things get sketchy we head over to my parents’ house.  Their house has an office and a garage that are partially underground.  Not great, but better than nothing.  And I still refer to it as “my parents’ house” even though my mom has been gone for 7 years.  It doesn’t seem right to leave her out.

Obviously things went okay because I’m here typing this.  The system weakened and passed over us relatively uneventfully, save for a lot of rain, thunder, lightning and hail.  But for me, no tornado = uneventful.  Nobody was hurt, no tornados touched down near us this time, everybody’s happy.

The next house we buy will have a basement or a storm cellar or *somewhere* for us to go when the sirens go off.   We didn’t get home to bed until well after midnight.  Today is going to require lots and lots of coffee.



Since I’m bad at posting daily and I’m sure you all get sick of seeing the same food over and over again, I’m officially debuting “What I Ate Wednesday.”  That way you’ll only have to suffer through food pictures once a week, and those who are curious about what intuitive eating looks like can catch a glimpse of how I eat basically what I want (still low on the gluten) and still maintain a good level of fitness.  I’ll talk about fitness-related stuff on a different day, but that’s coming up later.

I’m attempting to give myself some sort of guideline to follow with blogging.  I get so wrapped up in work and family and life in general that I sometimes forget I even have a blog even though I’ve been blogging (albeit sporadically) for seven years.  I hate when I follow someone’s blog and they only post once in a while or abandon it altogether, so this is my attempt to hold myself accountable.

I got up around 6:15, wasn’t hungry, but needed coffee to wake me up and fuel me.  I add vanilla stevia drops and heavy cream to my coffee.  As I’ve said before, I am completely and totally unafraid of healthy fat. 


No almond milk, no soy milk, no half-and-half BS for my coffee.  Cream only.  Then I got to work.

Around 11:45 I was starving, so I ate some sliced cucumber, a slice of turkey breast, spelt pretzels, and Sabra spicy hummus.  Crappy BB picture.  Misplaced the camera.

New Image

I finished that off but was still hungry so I ate a small bowl of Enjoy Life gluten-free cereal with a banana and a handful of blueberries.  Cereal hidden under a mound of fruit.



More coffee when I hit my 3:00 caffeine slump, and a can of Diet Coke, which I proceeded to spill all over my $50 ergonomic keyboard.  *dead*  Thank goodness for awesome husbands who willingly stop on their way home from work to remedy the situation.


Knight in shining armor.

While I was making dinner I had a handful of macadamia nuts and some watermelon.  I made curry chicken, basmati rice, and naan for dinner. 


I wasn’t too hungry so I ate 5 or 6 bites of chicken and rice, roughly half of the naan, and called it a day.

Today was definitely a light eating day.  Some days are like that, and other days I feel like a bottomless pit.


Freak Out


I still do it.  Not as much as I used to but on occasion there is freakage.  Usually it has to do with jeans and how difficult they are to get on.  If my skinny jeans slide over my butt with ease I barely take notice, just continue on my way.  If, however, I have to struggle and pull and maneuver a bit to get them on.  Well.  It’s not always good.  Sometimes I can laugh to myself and be all "Oops, time to pull back on the cheese," and other times I find my brain on the fast track back to Eating Disorder Town.

Ugh, you’re so fat.

What the hell is wrong with you?

What ever made you think you could eat like a normal person?

But you know what?  This IS how a normal person eats.  Sometimes normal eaters overindulge.  What normal eaters don’t do is berate themselves and start devising crazy fasts and cleanses and 500-calorie-a-day diets combined with 3-hour workouts in their heads.  They take notice: "Hmmm…my jeans are tight," Figure out what they need:  "Probably should pull back on the cheese/cupcakes/beer a little," and move on.  That’s it.  No self-flagellation, no craziness, just logic and matter-of-fact problem solving.

This morning my jeans were snug.  I didn’t freak out.  I noticed and thought for a minute.  And yeah, on top of the fact that my workouts are limited thanks to my injured shoulder, there has been a lot of cheese and a lot of almond butter and a lot of cereal with bananas & blueberries and cream.  Not to mention three birthdays this month complete with birthday cakes and of course yesterday’s Father’s Day feast.  But it’s fine.  I’ve enjoyed every bite.  I’ve been in the moment with my family and my friends and my food and it has been FUN.  I am still me, and I am still awesome.

I will pull back a little, I will IF today and probably another day this week if it feels right, but I won’t deprive myself.  I will never deprive myself again.

Christie, over at Honoring Health asked a great question recently:

What is it about the right choice that makes it the exact opposite of the choice you make?

I tried to think about it for a second, but the answer came to me almost instantly.

There is a big part of me that doesn’t like to be told what to do. As a kid I felt powerless a lot,  so when I have the chance to rebel against something I jump on it.

That’s why. I’m aware of it now and can reassure myself much of the time that I don’t really *have to* do anything. There’s no need to rebel anymore because I’m the boss of me. Sometimes it helps me see things in a more rational light and sometimes I say “screw you” to my inner voice and eat the cupcake anyway.

Reading what I wrote made me want to write more about my intuitive eating journey aside from the fitness aspect of the blog.  This stuff is the meaty, messy, difficult stuff I had to deal with (and am still dealing with) to get my head straight when it came to food and power and guilt and all of that.  It’s a bit of a departure for me, and a little scary.  I’m usually very closed off about the disordered eating and compulsive exercising days of my past.  But that was a big part of my problem, staying closed off.  And the journey from compulsive to intuitive was huge for me. Life changing.  It wasn’t easy and it took two years of on and off and back and forth, but once it clicked it was pure freedom.

I’m thinking a bit about how I’m going to tackle this, but I am going to tackle it.  I’ll be back with more later.

Happy Monday!  This is my last week of therapy for my shoulder, and I’m hoping the PT grants permission for me to lift heavy stuff again.  *pleasepleaseplease*


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.